Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
