she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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