yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
