She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
