remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
