So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
