I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
