My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Im part way to drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
