better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
