I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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