I wannas sexs uuuuu
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
