after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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