All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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