forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
