You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
