Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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