I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
