Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
