Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
