it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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