Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
