We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples