Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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