I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
