piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
