I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
