maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
