I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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