As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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