Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
