who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Green mimosas i think yes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
