I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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