in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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