his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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