I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
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You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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