I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
