Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
