Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
