there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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