i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
