My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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