The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
