Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
FUCK WHALES
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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