my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize