Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
