she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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