it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
