Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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