I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
