Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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