Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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