All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
don't judge my taste in strippers
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
