Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
