I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
