I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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