saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
