So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's never too late to be topless.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
