508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
