I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
