I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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