Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
