I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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