i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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