oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You were trust falling into bushes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
