All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
