I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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