Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
