The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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